Educate him to respect the rules, teach him to choose and assume his responsibilities, convey to him the love of reading, cultivate his self-esteem and train him to resilience. Here is the advice of Isabella Milani, teacher and author of the book “Rude or badly educated” to educate children about life and the challenges of when they will be adults.
It happens more and more frequently that parents, teachers and pupils are in conflict: the blame for the failures of their children is rebounded.
Isabella Milani, taught by thirty years of experience, in her book “Rude or badly educated” (Vallardi) explains how often behind the scholastic problems of today’s children there is the lack of a solid family education.
“If you educate your child to respect the rules, if you train him to endure fatigue and discomfort, if you cultivate his self-esteem, you will be building a person capable of achieving his goals.”
Here are his tips for educating well:
1. Make him feel loved even when you scold him
All parents love their children, but when they are scolded, they often say things that could hurt and harm them. So it is important to always use phrases that make the child feel loved even when he is scolded . For example, you can say “I love you enormously, I like you as a child but today your behavior is not correct”.
2. Give it some rules
Rules are the foundation of our society. Furthermore, the rules give the child peace of mind and security. A child without rules feels lost, confused , as we could be in an unknown place and without signs indicating where to go.
Getting children used to simple and clear rules to respect from an early age means preparing them for their entry into school and society.
Read also: Why it is important to give rules to children, according to the method of emotional education
3. Teach him good manners and respect for himself and for others
Good education does not mean demanding that a child follow the rules of bon ton, but that he learns to be kind and honest with others . Teach him from an early age to say “thank you”, “please”, “sorry” “good morning” …
When they are older, educate them not to make people wait, not to be rude, not to be noisy, not to skip the line, to leave the bus seat for older people.
And remember that children learn from your example.
It is also important to transmit respect: for oneself, for others and for the environment in which we live. It is precisely respect that makes us live well in society. Empathy, altruism and solidarity depend on respect for others. All values that help build good relationships . And from the respect for oneself comes the attention not to commit degrading acts, not to use drugs, not to accept and not to commit violent actions.
4. Teach him the value of choice
Explain to your child that his every action is the result of a choice, even not choosing. And that is why knowing how to choose is essential. And every choice has consequences: positive or negative.
Do not try in any way to remedy their wrong choices.
From the time he is able to understand, every child must recognize his mistakes and never make them again.
Especially as far as school is concerned: if she hasn’t done her homework and gets a bad grade, don’t justify it in front of the teacher. You may think you are helping him but you harm him because you prevent him from learning to make choices. Whenever he decides to do what he wants instead of what he owes it is imperative that he suffer the consequences.
In the growth process it is important that the child is allowed to make mistakes. Protect him only from real dangers, not disappointments.
Read also: How to help children make the right choices
5. Make them love culture and study
Culture and knowledge are what take us away from the animal world and help us to fully live life and grasp the beauty of things.
However, love for culture and study cannot be imposed in any way. What you can do as parents is: make the kids think that if there were no culture there would be no cell phones , planes, music, but not even doctors, hospitals.
Then stimulate the natural curiosity of the little ones : observe the wonders of nature together, ask yourself why there are clouds, how big is the sea, how insects live … Children need questions, they will find the answers at school and on books. Curiosity and the desire to discover are the basis of the study.
6. Teach him to become persistent and to have self-discipline
To have willpower and self-discipline, teach them from an early age to be patient. Teach him to wait for his turn to play , for lunch to be ready, to arrive at his destination. Get him used to putting away the toys, even slowly. Buy him a puzzle to do together and he can’t immediately encourage him to do better and calmly . Don’t rush him all the time. Haste is the enemy of perseverance. Other useful tips to train patience: teach them games like checkers or chess, get help with simple housework of concentration such as shelling peas, making the bed, folding the laundry … And don’t stuff them with toys. To educate them to have dreams and goals to achieveyou don’t have to give them everything they want. Happiness lies in the journey towards the goal, not in the goal itself.
7. Give him a taste for reading
Reading is very important, but the love for books cannot be imposed.
What you can do is try to foster a love of reading . Offer them books that deal with topics of interest to them, football, necklaces, dinosaurs … and that are age-appropriate; give the example and you too read; you often go to the bookshop or library to see if there is any good book. But wait for him to ask to buy it. And don’t exult with phrases like “what a good guy you want to read !!”. The fact that reading is beautiful must be taken for granted.
Warning: never force him to read and don’t say phrases like: “Why don’t you read? At your age I used to read …”
8. Teach him about resilience
Resilience is the ability to react positively to difficulties, to absorb the blow without being disheartened, to learn from one’s mistakes. Having this gift means living well.
Educate your child to have an optimistic outlook on life, show him that you are confident in his chances of succeeding . Get used to making him notice his potential and encourage him: “try it! You can do it!”; do not transmit your fears to him, instead of saying: “be careful! do not dive into the pool!”, better: “go for it, do not be afraid!”.
The child has to learn by himself to know his limits and his abilities , but he can only do it with experience, if you forbid him to do anything, he will never learn.
It is also important to let your child struggle, experience feelings such as disappointment, frustration and boredom . One cannot learn to face the fatigue of living without experiencing frustration and disappointment.
Let him train himself to overcome difficulties. This means that at the first sign of whim because he can’t find a game, you don’t have to run and look for him; or when he is older, do not rush to buy him the fashion shoes he asked you because everyone has them.
React to his anger, not by indulging him, but by trying to convey calm and tranquility to him.
9. Cultivate his self-esteem
Good self-esteem is another important element to keep in mind when educating.
Whenever you point out that he is not as good as the others, or when you say phrases like “you are the usual disaster” … you are undermining his self-esteem.
If he is wrong, tell him he was wrong in that moment not that he is always wrong . The child must learn to accept his limitations but he must also know that no one expects him to never make mistakes.
Point out that you are wrong too , so that he understands that making mistakes is normal.
From an early age you emphasize his small achievements ; be careful to ask him only for things that he is capable of doing, so that he does not feel incapable; entrust them with small responsibilities, such as watering a plant.
..; and when he does something well, don’t overdo it with praise: get him used to sobriety, not excess.
If a person is satisfied with himself he does not feel inferior to others even if they are better. Also beware of moral blackmail , phrases like “You got 10! You’re such a good boy” make him think that the vote is the measure of his value. Remind him that your love is unconditional and does not depend on school performance.
10. Do not intervene in the school world
Even at school, let the teachers do their work. Do not intervene to excuse it, to justify it or to protest for an alleged injustice.
In fact, take advantage of the teachers’ observations because the behavior your children have in the classroom is sometimes different from that at home. The school environment is very important because it is there that your child learns to relate to others and to take note of the problems and satisfactions that life can give him. Relationships with peers are also very delicate and you as parents should not enter them (unless there are serious facts such as bullying). Your child will have to understand for himself why he sometimes makes him obnoxious, or why it is wrong to offend others. Help him understand why his behaviors lead him to feel bad. But don’t run to your partner’s teacher or mom who doesn’t want to play with him.