We talked to an expert to find out what the insurmountable limits of any couple are
There is a new type of accounts that are proliferating more and more on Instagram. Just as we are used to seeing profiles of fashion icons , travel or even personal motivation and coaching , it should surprise us little or nothing that accounts that talk about love and relationships have the same or more existence. After all, it is something that affects all human beings. That is surely why there are many people who echo both on his wall and in the stories of small phrases that relationship experts share. And it is among all these phrases that we have perceived a concept that is repeated over and over again, that of red flags , or red flags. But do we really know what the experts are talking about when they use that term?
We have gone to a sexologist and couples therapist , to help us understand what it is about and refine the shot a little more, and this is what she has told us:
The red flags or red flags have to do with our limits regarding behaviors and situations that can erode our relationship as a couple and that can lead us to rethink the end. Each couple has its own rules and insurmountable lines, although it is true that when we fall into the arms of cupid, in the midst of falling in love , reality is distorted.
However, as a couple therapist, I always advise in this phase not to let ourselves be carried away by that idealized vision and to put our hearts right, since if we want our relationship to be long-term, one of the fundamental ingredients will be to talk and reach agreements with our partner. couple on those red flags.
Although these red flags may be different from one person to another depending on their experiences, personality and values, it is true that there are certain situations that we should not overlook and that should be red flags for all people. Some of these red flags to watch out for are:
– Physical and psychological violence of any kind cannot be tolerated within a relationship. At the first sign of violence we must make the determination to disassociate ourselves from that relationship.
– Self control. We are talking about people who exercise excessive control over their partners by asking and wanting to know at all times where they are, who they are with, who they are talking to on the phone, etc.
– Insulation. One of the members of the couple tries to keep them from interacting with other people . He just wants to be with her partner, make plans alone, and distance the other person from family and friends.
– Contempt. This occurs when one of the members believes they are superior and better than the other . He underestimates the achievements, the way of being and acting of his partner. This generates insecurities that affect the self- esteem of the despised person.
– Disloyalty. It occurs when one member of the couple breaks and violates certain limits and agreements that have been established in the dynamics of the relationship, creating great damage and disappointment to the other member.
There are other issues that can be considered red flags by some people, such as: jealousy , infidelity, deception, distrust, addictions, lack of common projects, immature acts, non-assumption of responsibilities, poor or lack of communication, etc.
Finally, it is important to clarify that each member of the couple will have their own red flags and these may vary throughout the relationship due to situations or experiences that make certain limits reconsidered. The couple is constantly changing, it is a living entity , and what served us a few years ago may not be enough now or we may not see it from the same perspective. That is why it is essential to return to the conversations about the red flags from time to time to see if everything remains the same or if there is any change. This will prevent future problems and misunderstandings.